25.10.08

MCOBA Raya open house

My attending last night's Mcoba open house was in a way, not planned at all. Somehow, I missed the date. I went to the penthouse not knowing anything about the function. I went there on business. Yet, it was 8 hours well spent.

Not much solving the business problem at hand, the event lifted my spirits. My good mood was decreasing after realizing that I'm gonna be alone again this weekend. But being at the party, surrounded by my old friends and making new ones, had certainly put a smile on my face.

They still remember me :-)

I guess that for the past 2 years, I had forgotten about the power that Mcoba has on me.

Posted by ShoZu

23.10.08

It's back, ladies and gentlemen

Yeah, my feared depression is back. Nothing else matters now. Why? But at least I'm blogging. Something that I seldom do. Nothing interests me anymore. And ending it all did cross my mind Everything is a blur now. Grey and dull. Struggling is futile. I know that I'm jeopardizing my work, but I just can't make myself to care. It's dim in here. And I know, it'll be dark soon. It'd be goodbye then :-(

Posted by ShoZu

My defunct engine :-( bye my dear


Posted by ShoZu

25.9.08

Breaking fast at nando's sg Wang. Quite boring. Not because of the food. But because I'm alone. There is some kind of magic when having a meal with someone else. I guess that's why, I heard somewhere that to the Chinese, one should not dine alone.

Posted with LifeCast

22.9.08

Transnasional curtain


For an unknown reason, the curtain onboard the southbound bus I was on, doesn't cover the whole window. Hmmm

Posted by ShoZu

21.9.08

The kuala Kangsar bus station


And over here, waiting is the game.

Posted by ShoZu

Waiting in kuala

Honestly, I hate to wait. And right now I've been waiting for 2 hrs at the kuala Kangsar bus terminal. Waiting for my bus to take me to kl. But I guess waiting is a part of life. There are a lot of things that we cannot control. In fact there are nothing that we can really control. If we were that powerful, we'd never allow ourselves to die.

Posted by ShoZu

18.12.07

After the attack...

Last night, I was attacked by a group of 7 or 8 young Malay boys, just because I didn’t hand them my mobile. These motorbiked parasites, which deserved to be burnt in hell for eternity, had walloped me and injured me. Being tackled and punched and hit on the head with a helmet, I was truly helpless. These bastards, these ‘Mat Rempits’, had violated my freedom and my status as a human being. They took my one and only phone, and to some degree, my freedom and my emotional stability. My trusted Moleskine was lost during the attack. I couldn't remember what happened to it. Even though no stitches was needed for my bleeding head, I am suffering from some sort of emotional trauma like I’ve never experienced before. The hurt that I am feeling now is more than physical. It is more than the hurt produced by my bleeding head and the injuries on my legs and back. It is anger, sadness, helplessness, and just downright pity. I see a darker world now. I mistrust people. I hate the crowd and loathe empty and dark spaces. I am scared of being alone. The phone that they took from me was my only instant connection to the world outside. Living alone, physically and emotionally, I depend on the phone to keep me company. I can’t afford to buy a new phone under my present condition and this is the thing that infuriates me. The attackers were FUCKING SON-OF-BITCHES!!!!!!!!!! May them rot in hell, both in this world and hereafter. Amen. 

25.9.07

MCOBA Dinner 07

Me & MCOBA

MCOBA had been my life. I’ve learnt a lot about life through MCOBA. MCOBA had once become part of the blood that course through my veins.

It was in 1997 when I first came to know MCOBA. Of course I had known it when I was in Koleq, but then, it was too farfetched. Too foreign. Too great. I felt unworthy of it then. Hahaha, I was not even eligible. And when I was studying in the States, I was too busy trying to decide on which road to take in this journey called life. Guess I was a late bloomer. But that’s another story. So in 1997, after being preached by several of my batchmates, I became a lifetime member. I embraced MCOBA. Wholeheartedly.

Since then, I had become a fervent supporter of this little but powerful association. Year after year, I had been involved deeper and deeper. And the deeper I went, the more mystical the experience had become. The more precious was the learning and the more had MCOBA become me, where in 2005, I began to notice that MCOBA was actually, me. The fusion of these 2 souls was not accidental. Everybody knows of the effect of MCKK on her students. The fanaticism. The attachment. And MCOBA is part of MCKK, so to speak. Thus I felt the bonding. MCOBA had become a surrogate lover to me. A kind of sustenance provider that somehow kept my heart beating and my spirit high. MCOBA had become an addiction. The Penthouse was my second home. And for 2 weeks in 2005, it WAS my home. And all these sentiments were mostly due to what it did, rather than what it was.

I felt great respect for MCOBA. MCOBA managed to let me be me. This small entity had let my creativity flow without boundaries. It had let me experiment and find my own tune to dance with. And for an artist, that’s heaven sent. Reciprocating this gesture, I worked for MCOBA like a dog (I was a prefect in 86…) and surprisingly, enjoying it more and more. The tougher it got, the more enjoyable it became. My friends questioned my determination and sacrifice for MCOBA, and most of the time, I answered with only a smile, or just plain “I love MCOBA.” What they didn’t know was the extent to which MCOBA had sacrificed for me. The knowledge, experience and friendship that MCOBA offered me were invaluable. I am a natural introvert. A shy guy with low self esteem. But with MCOBA, I felt liberated. Unshackled. And free.

There were 2 important things that MCOBA did which was responsible in leading me into this intimate relationship. Old Boys Weekend and MCOBA Dinner. Year after year, I’d find myself getting involved in these activities. Even though my depth of involvement differ, my responsibility had been the same – DESIGN. And some years, I got more than just design. One can never comprehend the extend of joy that I felt each time I was given this responsibility. It was fun.

Designing is fun. And it’s my bread and butter. But with MCOBA, it’s more than fun. It’s MAGIC. This sentiment grew out of the fact that I was always given the freedom to design. However, there was another factor that had created this Magic – it’s the camaraderie and brotherhood. It’s the teamwork and cooperation. The sleepless nights. The constant fights. The perpetual bickering. But ironically, the endless smiles. More than once I cried due to joy. It touched my heart so deep and I thanked god for giving me such a wonderful extended family.

Every year, usually in April, my heart would begin its restless wait for the calling of the OBW Committee. And most of the time, I already had the design proposals planned out in my head. Once the appointment was confirmed, BOOM, the design would be ready to be presented. And a lot of times, I felt so proud because my design would become the catalyst for the other team members to work harder. OBW had been more like playing. It’s fun. Not too much stress. Everybody somehow knew what he’s supposed to do without much supervision. After the first year of organizing OBW, it seemed like the committee was on automatic gear. And what fun those years had been. It was very inspiring that we would try to outdo what we had done the year before. Thus, OBW had become bigger and grander. And of course, more enjoyable.

After OBW, which usually took place in June or July, I would nervously wait for the next event, The MCOBA Annual Dinner, which was obviously, THE event of the year for MCOBA. The MCOBA Dinners that I had known over the years were elaborate productions. And it’s one of the reasons why I am so proud to be a MCOBA member. MCOBA Dinner had been the showcase of talents for the old boys. Not only it showcased the talented performers in music and acting, it also boast a high quality production in terms of directing, writing and technical matters. And then the talents of designers, producers, technicians, engineers and numerous other fields that were needed to organize such a big production. And believe it or not, most of these talents had been in house. Home grown. And they were not professionals. And of course, NOT paid. Another thing that always touched my heart whenever I was involved with MCOBA Dinner was the opportunity to see an elderly old boy work closely with another old boy 30 or even 40 years younger. And the respect for each other would be clearly visible. Lines were never crossed. This was so heartwarming. My god, I am so proud of them. Their dedication was legendary. Their commitment was exemplary. The team that produced The MCOBA Annual Dinner year in and year out had been heroes to me. If this beloved country of ours could have citizens who worked as hard, we’d have beaten Japan a long time ago. By the way, why couldn’t we beat Japan?