What a roller coaster ride

Hello friends... it's been hell. It's been heaven. It's been everything in between.... the thing is, my hell is hotter and my heaven is nicer. Right now I am mixed. I was manic this morning. And suddenly depressed this afternoon, and I am right now, a mixed up creature. I even forgot what I actually wanted to write.

It's been more than a year when I last visited these pages. Not that I didn't want to write, it's just that a loty of times, the stories that I wanted to tell, the incidences that peppered my life, had been too personal. That I, a lot of times, just wanted them to remain personal. Deep in my soul. But then, I realize that by doing that, I am actually putting everybody else on the losing side. Not that I am special, but I just want people to know what it feels like to be emotionally unbalanced. What it feels like to have two extremes in one's life. Two opposing extremes. What tortures that a bipolar faces. What happiness that a bipolar feels.

Honestly, I hate myself... for the past several months, I had been writing in a private journal. A fact that I can never run away from. Private means private. But some of my thoughts could be publicly consumed. And these are the thought that I should write down here... Under the big tree.

You see, a bipolar, at least, me, won't be able to be consistent. In fact, that trait alone had single-handedly helped to destroy my life. The inability to be constant. A lot of people don't like surprises. No employer or clients could tolerate surprises. They want a constant predictability. They require status quo. Not that they could not appreciate any special events or things, it's just that a lot of them are dependent on PREDICTABILITY. Life is much easier to handle without unexpected things rearing up their heads and just stir the otherwise calm pot.

That's it... enough writing for today. Believe it or not, my head starts to pound. I'd better stop.