The forgotten pain

Sometimes, I'd forgot about the pain of bipolar. Sometimes, that would be good. But today, it's not. I had been manic these past few days. So happy to get to kuala and got involved with the two groups I love most - wind orchestra and the prefects. The joy in helping them was spiritually sublime.

But then, the table turned when I got to kl. This was when my loneliness suddenly reared its head. Without any warning. And I got caught... unexpected. You might ask, what has loneliness got to do with my illness? Everything. For years, loneliness has been one of the major factors in my depression. A trigger. A cause.

And when this depression arrives, it'd be so painful that many times I just couldn't stand it anymore. Suicidal thoughts always follow loneliness. Hopelessness. Helplessness. It's just total chaos. Albeit a quiet one.

1 comment:

Ron said...

I think that suicidal thoughts are normal but the thing to realize is that "thoughts" are not "truths", they are just ideas we come up with. The problem is when we think ideas are the solution and act on them, instead of explore them.

Suicide is an idea. It's no different then thinking about a job you don't want anymore, or a marriage, or a friendship, or a car. It's just logic, nothing more, nothing less. Logically, ending life ends the struggle with it. The thing to realize is that we think about what we don't know, so whatever we think is a guess and not the truth.

With suicide, how do you test it? You can't. Once it's done, it's done. And the only thing that happens with suicide is that your confusion about life gets reproduced as confusion in all those left behind, possible leading them to suicidal thoughts and actions.

The solution is to realize why we think and to see that clarity is the solution to confusion. Please visit my blogsite for more...it's where I share about the source of the confusion. http://www.profound-self-help.com/articles-on-suicide.html