Sometimes, I'd forgot about the pain of bipolar. Sometimes, that would be good. But today, it's not. I had been manic these past few days. So happy to get to kuala and got involved with the two groups I love most - wind orchestra and the prefects. The joy in helping them was spiritually sublime.
But then, the table turned when I got to kl. This was when my loneliness suddenly reared its head. Without any warning. And I got caught... unexpected. You might ask, what has loneliness got to do with my illness? Everything. For years, loneliness has been one of the major factors in my depression. A trigger. A cause.
And when this depression arrives, it'd be so painful that many times I just couldn't stand it anymore. Suicidal thoughts always follow loneliness. Hopelessness. Helplessness. It's just total chaos. Albeit a quiet one.